but oh my how it hurts

now that the crocuses are peeping
                 (we are so sorry, we know its early but we are here)

and last time, last time, last year…….this time last year, when I was happy

and notshattered

no edits, no sobriety will make this coherent, only straight.

so I let him cut me a fringe, I sat there like a baby with my
head in their hands,

Me heart in their hands
my grief in their hands                                                dear everyone
                                                                                        please be so kind as to
                                                                                        rip off my skin and send it back
                                                                                        in the self addressed envelope
                                                                                        quickly now

                                                                                        quickly please

the papers are pending
my everything is B
                                 ending                                and i amhollow at once
                                                                             pretending to be pragmatic
                                                                             comforting myself in other bodies
                                                                             in other broken people

help me

i do not look good with my hair like this
I do not look good like this in thisskin  in this blood this splash of intestines
                                                              take your jolly fuckin’ music
                                                              take your good advice
                                                              take my stomach and squeeze

pins and needles

tea and biscuits
salt and pepper

yeah, I’m smoking again and do you fucking care, do you, do you fucking care, do you?


~ by Beeskiffle on February 28, 2008.

8 Responses to “but oh my how it hurts”

  1. Do you?

    (((((((((((((you))))))))))) strong, strong words that crack and show little glimpses of fragility. (((((((((((((((((you))))))))))))))

    Im so glad that you’re writing… keep going, keep going,

  2. I care, that is very fierce and powerful,

  3. Beauty is not skin deep. No matter how many times you change your skin and post it somewhere in the world you will stay beautiful inside. Fragility and strength abound within your words. You are still here and for that i am glad.

    Are you smoking?

    I care. Truly. My father quit smoking in the nineties then lost his job as a milkman. The stress put him back on smoking. Smoking killed my grandfather in 86. I want to tell you to stop, but i cant, i’ll just be there for you, your friend.

  4. oh

    give me a week or two but then I

    PROMISE I’ll stop again

  5. I dont have anything to say ,or know you well enough to offer words of comfort, except to say ,that this pain will eventually pass..beautiful writing, and good luck with the smoking, from one smoker to another.

  6. Beautiful, powerful, shimmering — as always.

  7. Oh, I do so love it when another person writes a word or two and those words make me say to myself “OH, YES, they get it.” You are writing words that circle around my heart and I am so happy to read them.

  8. ohhhh my, this is BRILLIANT!

    just found you via comments on gingatao …

    i will sooooo be back!

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